Tales of the Titans: Just for Yoicks
by Nitebreaker
Summary: The Titans meet a rather unusual and enthusiastic visitor, one who is in search for the greatest minds of the human race. But he may be a tad misinformed about a few things...and someone could be looking for him. Rated T for now, subject to change.
1. Chapter 1

Tales of the Titans: Just for Yoicks, Chapter 1

 _I don't own the Teen Titans._

Chapter 1: Hardfall.

Raven was walking back to the Tower from one of her favorite (meaning: dark as hell) book club readings when she noticed, out of the corner of her eye, the small spark up in the sky past the towering skyscrapers of Jump City. _Probably a jet coming in for a landing,_ she thought to herself, as she turned back to the somber reflections that were her normal mode of thought.

Thus, she didn't see the spark grow bigger and bigger. Didn't even take note of the clearly noticeable shadow that appeared on the ground before her: the shadow of a girl wearing a hooded cape….

So she was totally unprepared when something that felt like a cross between the Swedish Bikini Team and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir hit her from behind and knocked her flat on her ass.

Something soft and wet slammed into her, emitted an "Eeroink!" sound, bounced off the mystical shields she normally kept around her when she walked alone like this, went _splat!_ on the pavement ten feet away, and, improbably, given its seemingly soft nature, bounced three more times before ending its journey, unceremoniously, in a garbage dumpster at the far end of the alley. She could see the lid swinging wildly as the dumpster itself was slammed up against the far wall.

"Holy shit," she muttered, sitting there on the asphalt, then looked around fearfully, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw she was alone. If Garfield ever found out she even _knew_ those words, he'd never let her hear the end of it. Life, as she knew it, Would Be Over.

Now. With _that_ small matter taken care of, and her composure regained, she turned her attention to whatever it was that struck her. It had the feel of an accident, but Raven knew that accidents can kill you just as doornail-dead as anything else. So she approached the end of the alleyway cautiously.

The dumpster under examination had seen better days, and this clearly wasn't one of them. The sides were smashed in, as if from a great and recent blow, and, even as she watched, it shook and rattled ominously.

There was something inside. Something that wanted out.

As she watched, what appeared to be a green tentacle flapped over the side of the dumpster, seeking purchase. In the low light, Raven couldn't be absolutely sure, but it seemed to have a certain sheen to it which she fervently hoped to Azar wasn't slime. After all, the thing had apparently just slammed into her from behind, and her capes cost a fortune to dry clean.

Then another tentacle flopped over the side. Then a third. They tightened up, getting a solid grip on the outside of the can, and Raven readied herself for the horror that was about to reveal itself. _Tentacles are very seldom a good sign._

 _Unless you like calamari._

Raven did not like calamari.

A matching pair of black orbs popped up from the inside of the can, peeking out from under what looked to be an unruly shock of bristly green hair, looking right and left for signs of danger. Then another set popped up. Then a third. Then a forth. _Eight eyes is seldom a comforting sight, either._ Raven knew of several species of demons that had eight eyes, and they were invariably trouble. But then, demons as a whole were not exactly hail-fellow-well-met types. _And I am half-demon._

 _Yes, well, we'll deal with that later._

The eyes looked one way, then the other. Finally, they seemed to focus on her, and Raven could have sworn she saw them light up with a kind of alien delight. She readied herself to blast the monstrosity into next week as soon as it showed enough of itself that she wouldn't get pelted with exploding garbage. The last time that had happened, she'd had to soak in the hot tub so long that Beast Boy had bellowed at her from outside her closed door, asking her if she'd drowned or something in there and did he need to get the plunger.

Suddenly, a green bulk shifted out of the dumpster, and, with an audible _sproing!_ sound, popped out like a piece of green toast and landed on the ground right in front of her. "Greetings!" said the thing, in clear, unaccented English. "I come in pieces! You are having the most honor of meeting me! No, wait…that's not right…" It fiddled with some device it had around what could be most charitably described as a "neck," before continuing. "Greetings! I come in Pisces! I am most honorable to meet you! Er, did that come out right?" it dithered, even as it began to putter around with what was apparently some sort of translator. Raven could barely hear, above the voice of the translator, a soft, susurrating sound emanating from somewhere near the cluster of tentacles that seemed to do double duty both as support limbs and manipulator digits. And possibly other organs she preferred not to think about.

Alright, not demon, alien. Sometimes that wasn't any better, however.

She held up a hand in what was intended to be a conciliatory gesture of acceptance. It might have been her imagination, but the creature seemed to pale just a bit. Maybe that gesture meant something totally different in its culture? Well, maybe. "It's alright; I understand the meaning of what you are trying to say. May I ask your name?" She could hear the translator-necklace making soft, sibilant sounds, translating her words into the creature's language.

What was it, exactly? It resembled an anthropomorphic octopus, but with a bulbous, spherical head, topped by the shock of green "hair" (if, indeed, "hair" it was), and around which the four sets of eyes were displayed. The way they were arranged, Raven didn't see how the thing could have anything but excellent peripheral vision, but, even so, she got the impression that two sets of the four were currently focused on her, with the remaining two sets on the translator device around its neck. Unlike a true octopus, it did not seem to have serious difficulty with land mobility, and Raven thought she'd have to remember that, should matters take a turn for the worse. It did not, however, resemble any alien race she'd ever heard of, however, hostile or otherwise.

Then she turned her scrutiny from the tactical to the rest of the creature's face. For it did have a face, albeit not a human one. Rather, its features were spread out across that bulbous, completely smooth head, with a set of slits right below the eye-circle, and a corresponding set on either side of the neck. ( _Gills?_ she wondered. _Or perhaps something even stranger?_ ) Below this was another, larger slit from which the soft susurrations were emerging. That had to be the creature's mouth, she reasoned. Or what passed for same. "I am Raven. What is your name?"

"I am _Zoinks!_ " It said, with a peculiar inflection on the last word(?).

"'Zoinks'?" She repeated. She wanted to make sure she had the alien pronunciation correctly. Wars had been started over smaller matters.

"Yes! _Zoinks! Run, Scoob! It's a g-ghost!"_

Raven face-palmed herself _. Oh, crap. Of all the Earth TV shows you had to learn our language from, you hadda pick that one._

…..

Raven signaled for entry to the Tower. Normally she'd just use her own ID code, but she wanted to make sure nobody went ballistic over her guest. "Just hang on, uh, Zoinks, and I'll introduce you to the rest of my group. You say you're a tourist?"

"Yes! Very much tourist! I am very much hoping to meet your leaders, Fred, Daphne, Velma, and Shaggy. Not to mention their own Supreme Leader, Scooby-Doo! It will be such an honor to stand in the presence of such an intellect!"

 _Great Azar. I can see I've got my work cut out for me._ At that moment, Cyborg signaled back, his image appearing on the screen. _"Raven? What's up?"_

"I've a guest I met downtown. I didn't want to startle anyone. He's a little…unusual." And she panned the camera to show Zoinks, standing excitedly by her. _How do I explain these great leaders he wants to meet are fictional? Does he even understand the concept of "fiction"?_ After all, there was nothing to guarantee Zoinks's people even knew about such entertainments as storytelling. Some races, some cultures, didn't have that custom, and found it odd that others should enjoy being, in their eyes, lied to.

Cyborg's human eye bugged out. _"Uh….I'm guessing he's from out of town?"_

"A bit. But he appears harmless. He's a tourist from," she turned to Zoinks. "Where did you say you were from, again?"

Later, in the Titans' main sitting room: "Okay, we've located, er, Zoinks's star system." The alien had barely been able to provide them with usable data, since their methods of star charting were so different. But, by identifying certain benchmark stars, they'd finally zeroed in on…

"It's Sirius. He's from the Sirius system. That's a binary star system about nine light years away. That squares with his being able to understand us, as I'm sure they've been receiving radio broadcasts from Earth for decades now. And they've had time to learn our language." Robin and Starfire were out on patrol, so the only Titans actually in the Tower were Cyborg and Beast Boy, the latter having gone to bed already. Grumbling, he'd awakened. While he was usually loathe to admit it, anything involving Raven always had his interest.

"Yes, yes! This is most excellently wonderful! At last I will get to bask in the radiant presence of the Most Esteemed High Lord Scooby-Doo! Please, tell me, when might I meet with him?" He was practically dancing with excitement. The Titans looked at each other. _How are we gonna break this?_

 _To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2: The Gang's All Here

Tales of the Titans: Just for Yoicks: Chapter 2: The Gang's All Here

…..

 _I don't own either the Teen Titans or the Scooby-Doo franchise._

… _.._

Chapter 2: The Gang's All Here

At that exact moment, an alarm went off. "Trouble!" said Cyborg. "Mumbo's hitting the bank again!"

" _Again?_ He _always_ hits the bank! What's _up_ with that?" Beast Boy's voice showed disgust. "Doesn't the guy have any imagination?"

"What he doesn't have," replied Raven, even as she prepared to teleport them there, "is money. _Of course_ he hits the banks."

Darkness came over them as Raven's soul-self teleported them to the scene of the crime. Immediately upon arrival, however, it became apparent that Raven had been a bit hasty in determining the width of her teleportation field.

"A mystery!" said a familiar voice, just behind her. "A beloved mystery! What fun! Perhaps I will get to see the Most High Lord battling the Evil Ghosts here!" Zoinks had been caught up in the field, and was practically dancing with excitement. The others half-turned, as they realized they had a civilian with them, albeit accidently.

Mumbo was frozen in the very act of dashing out of the bank with his bags of ill-gotten loot. He'd stopped for just a moment upon seeing the Titans, then, a look of craftiness stole over his blue face. "Ah! A command performance! As always, the A _ma_ zing Mumbo will be happy to oblige!" He doffed his top hat, and the Titans tensed, spreading out, readying themselves for what they knew would be one of Mumbo's stage-magician themed attacks….

"Oh, most glorious!" Zoinks sounded enraptured. "A wonderful ghost! Yes, indeed, the Most Excellent High Lord cannot be far away!" And he suddenly sprang forward, with surprising nimbleness, and wrapped his tentacles completely around a startled Mumbo, closing all eight of his eyes in ecstasy. "Most assuredly, this is the happiest diurnal sequence of this incarnation!"

"What is-* Here, now! Leave off! Don't get slime on my good suit! Help!"

…

"Well," began a stunned Robin, "I suppose this is one for the record books. I don't think we've ever subdued Mumbo quite so…quickly in the past." The three of them, along with a delighted Zoinks, had returned to the Tower after the SWAT team had carted the villain away, still complaining about the slime on his good suit, to find Robin and Starfire waiting for them. Raven's mouth quirked when she wondered: if Mumbo was so "Amazing," why didn't he just 'port the slime off his suit?

Wait. Come to think of it, why hadn't she? Oh, well, too late now. She'd already sent that cape out for dry cleaning.

And something else occurred to her: their refugee alien princess, Starfire, had, uncharacteristically for her, not gone into paroxysms of rapture over the possibility of meeting a new friend, but instead had just stood in one spot and stared at Zoinks, with an almost puzzled expression on her face. Why was that? "Star? You with us, over there?"

"Wha—oh, yes, Friend Raven! I, I was just…" She trailed off, her gaze once again wandering towards Zoinks.

"Right," said Cyborg. "So I guess the lesson we learned today is, next time Mumbo shows up, we just throw an octopus at him? BB, take note." He noticed Robin's glare. "What?'"

"Zoinks? Uh, excuse us a moment here, would you?"

"Oh! Most assuredly! I eagerly await the arrival of the Most High Lord! I am certain he cannot be far away!" And Zoinks began to preen himself, making sure his slime was evenly spread over his body, and searching for a mirror in order to comb his…his…whatever it was he had in place of hair.

"Look," Raven whispered to them, "We've got to come up with a way to let him know the truth. I mean, he's come all this way to meet characters on a TV show. Just telling him, point blank, is…well, assuming he'd even believed it, it's going to be depressing for the poor guy. We need to let him down easy."

"So why let him down at all?" asked Cyborg.

"What do you mean?" She wasn't sure she liked the gleam in Cyborg's human eye when he said that.

"Why let him down at all? We bring his heroes out, trot 'em out for him to meet, he gets to say hello, he goes back to Sirius happy as a cl-*, well, happy, anyway. Problem solved."

"And how, exactly, would we do that? Put out a classifieds for actors to….oh, no. You're not serious, are you?" Even as she spoke, Raven was aware that Starfire was only paying partial attention. She seemed to be troubled by their guest, and this wasn't like Starfire, who normally greeted anyone who wasn't trying to take over the world with the enthusiasm usually associated with children meeting puppies.

"Sure I'm serious. Think. Our numbers round out. And all we have to do is show 'im what he's _expecting_ to see, and he goes home happy. You, Rob…" Robin raised an eyebrow. "You're the master of disguise. And our leader. So you get to be Freddy. Star? You'll be Daphne. We'll haveta get something for Rob's shoes, 'cause Star's a little taller, but that shouldn't be any huge problem, should it?" Starfire's attention was yanked back to the matter at hand. _What_ _is_ _going on with her?_ Raven wondered. _Something to do with Zoinks? Where's her usual will-you-be-my-friend-asm?_ "Star?"

"….Yes, Friend Raven?"

"Is something wrong? You've been eyeing Zoinks ever since you first saw him."

"It is nothing _wrong_ , Friend Raven, it is just….

"….I could swear I have _seen_ him somewhere before and cannot remember where." She paused, her thoughts clearly far away. "But…it was somewhere…not nice."

"….since I'm the tallest, I'll be Shaggy—my holographic projector can handle that, no sweat, and that leaves our resident nerd here to be Velma."

Resident n-*? "Cyborg, are you asking to be cursed with a permanent case of rust?"

He grinned. "Okay, _resident brain._ But it'll work. Think of it like an early Halloween costume party…"

"Hey, waitaminnit," said Garfield. "You're overlooking one small detail: our hero out there is expecting to meet his 'Most High Lord Scooby Doo.' Who do we get to….guys, why are you all looking at m-* Oh, no you don't! Never! Not in a million years! Besides, I can't turn into _cartoon_ animals!"

"Have you ever tried? Come on, Gar. It'll be great. You'll go down in history…well, _his_ history, anyway…"

"Nope! Not. Gonna. Do. It. Period! I do have SOME dignity!" Then Raven spoke up.

They all knew that Raven, their own, in-house demon sorceress, knew Words of Power to compel almost any creature or force imaginable, to bend anything to her will, regardless of how mighty that entity might be. All of them remembered the time she'd morphed Beast Boy into a rat (albeit temporarily). So nobody was really terribly surprised when she used another Word of Power on him, against which he had absolutely no defense whatsoever: "Garfield. _Please?"_

He melted.

 _To be continued…_


End file.
